S-12 - Jay Jacobson: Why Being Present is Your Ultimate Competitive Advantage; 45 Years of Reading the Room

Jay Jacobson is a veteran leader with over 45 years of experience in the funeral service industry, where he mastered the art of radical hospitality and high-stakes crisis management. A dedicated consultant and coach, Jay empowers the next generation of entrepreneurs to move beyond superficial metrics and focus on the power of presence. As the founder of a national artisan cookie company, he proves that whether you are navigating a national tragedy or simply saying "thank you" to a customer, the core principle remains the same: it is all about listening, building trust, and delivering a smile when it matters most. Jay is the author of Lead by Legendary Example, a blueprint for developing the leadership pillars of integrity, service, and mentorship.

Connect with Jay:
LinkedIn:   https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayscookies/
Website: www.jacobsonprostaff.com


Alexander V. Johnson is a Founding Partner of Mixt Solutions, a 6x Inc. 5,000 Fastest Growing Company in America. Mixt Solutions has successfully done millions of transactions on Amazon and works with some of the biggest consumer packaged goods brands in the world. In 2024, Mixt Solutions crossed over 150 million dollars of all time sales on Amazon.

Connect with Alex:
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Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/06QZEpv...
Instagram:   / eaotpodcast  
Twitter: https://x.com/EAOTpodcast
Facebook:   / eaotpodcast  
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Intro Music Credit:
"Alone and Afraid" - SourBlood:    • Alone and Afraid Official Lyric Video  
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/7FJVH...

#leadership #entrepreneurship #radicalhospitality #businessgrowth #professionaldevelopment #mentorship  #JayJacobson #emotionalintelligence #customerexperience  #leadbyexample

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:09

The biggest thing that I do is I listen. I you know, a lot of people and when they're making funeral arrangements will come in with a a form and they'll fill out their form. And and I always come in with a blank sheet of paper. And we sit down and we talk with the family about tell me about your loved one, tell me who John was. What did he like to do? Uh what do you remember about him? Um if John's widow is there, I'll say, you know, how did you guys meet? And it's surprising how many times the children have never heard the story about how their parents met. And it just opens up a whole different atmosphere and a whole different dialogue when you start asking those kind of questions and get people talking about who the person really was.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

So, how do you think about like balancing like sadness and happiness, like in a funeral? Like, are you like searching for like a like a uh some sort of uh a toggle between those two things? Maybe talk me through that.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

You kind of have to have both. Um when when you're early in grief, the the inclines and the declines are steep. Uh and so as we're looking at a funeral, there needs to be a good balance. Uh it's okay to laugh, it's okay to share stories that that are sad. And that's one of the things that we start when we do the arrangement conference with them. And that's why I spend time asking open-ended questions because I want them to be able to laugh. And if they haven't laughed, I'll ask them when was the last time you guys all laughed together? And it it gives them permission that it's you know, in the next few days, it's okay to share stories that make you laugh. That's normal. Uh, there's gonna be a lot more tears than there are laughter, but allowing them the permission to bring in some laughter, um, inviting people uh to speak at the funeral and share some of those humorous stories, uh, some of those meaningful stories, uh, some of the things that the person did that that really left a lasting impact is a way of producing that kind of a balance. Anybody who's working in hospitality and funeral service falls under that level of hospitality. We're doing a lot of those same uh type of events, you have to pay attention to the things that are said offhand. Yeah, usually the things that are said offhand are the most important things. And um, I do a lot of training with um people that are new to the industry, um, and particularly those that are age 20 to 35, in developing those people skills, developing the ability to sit in a room and really read the room, to understand the body language, to understand uh unspoken things that are going on. And that's a skill that's unfortunately lacking in that particular age group. Because at the time that they were, we naturally developed those skills, that's at age anywhere from age 13 to 18, we're now handing people a cell phone.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Oh, yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

And they're spending their time instead of looking at people, they're looking at a screen, and so they don't get the context of the dynamics of a room full of people and what's going on. And I was really fortunate growing up. I've got, I come from two very large families. On my mother's side, there were 10 kids, on my dad's that were five. And every other Sunday we would go to the different different home for Sunday dinner. The dynamics were very different with the two families, but that's that's another another story altogether. But just watching those adults and the way they interacted and the way the the body language flowed, and you learn so much. And even to this day, when I'm sitting with a room full of people, I can assign those personality types to the people in the room and get a pretty good understanding of how they're going to react uh in different situations. But that's not a skill that's being learned anymore. And so I go in a lot of times and I'm actively having to teach these folks how to engage people, uh, how to see the things that aren't being said. You can, you know, imagine we're we're sitting around a conference table with a family who's grieving and they're they're making plans for their dad's funeral, and the brothers and sisters don't get along. And so you've got people there who normally don't want to be in the same room or now having to sit around a table and make decisions. And if you're not paying attention as the person who's helping them, you miss out on that, and you don't understand the dynamics that these two people should not be sitting next to each other because they don't get along. You don't understand that the person with their arms crossed uh in the corner of the room has got something to say but hasn't been given permission to open their mouth yet. And so you call on them and you ask them to add to the conversation so that they don't walk away at the end and and be totally uh unheard. But those are skills that it's essential for for people in our um profession to learn. Um we have um about three minutes from the time we sit down with the family to establish that kind of trust, to establish some ability to communicate. And if we miss that window of three minutes, we spend the rest of the time we're working with them trying to get that back. I I spend a lot of time talking about leadership and leadership development. And and we talk about the fact that when you are thrust into a situation like that, those leadership skills don't automatically show up. You have to have learned them, you have to have practiced them and made them part of your soul before you get to that moment. But that time that you spend with people, being present with them, making them feel valued, was the first inkling of leadership skills that I learned. That being present, giving somebody your undivided attention and and your time. And above all other things that that we lack today, uh particularly with young people coming into the workforce, is that ability to be present because we're constantly being pulled away from that. Uh even if we put our cell phones on silent, that jiggle in our pocket takes us out of the moment. And so we have to actively be aware that if if we're going to be present with the people that we're in the room with, uh, we have to learn how to ignore those kind of miscues. Uh we have to we have to be where our feet are. Uh so if you're at home with your family, that's the most important thing right now. That family that's in front of you. If you're at work, the people that you're working with, they're the most important people uh at the time. If you're at church, that's the most important thing that you're doing right then. So having that balance and having the ability to stay in that moment um and put out all other distractions is a skill that um is sadly lacking, but uh but is crucial for leadership. Uh if you're not sitting there and paying attention, if if you don't understand what's going on in the room, uh people sense it. And they will not follow somebody who's not listening to them, uh, who is feels that the things that are outside of that room are more important, um, they will they will find that other things are more important to them as well.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yeah, and that's that's uh that's hard, especially if you you know rise the ranks in a business and you go, Man, I got like so many things that I'm trying to think about. And it's very easy to say, like, uh let me think about that later. I don't know, I'm not sure, and move on.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

But you as a successful businessman, you begin to realize that when I divide my attention, I'm not doing well at either thing. And so it's better off to focus on the one thing and come back to the other one later and give it its full attention, and you actually save time doing that because you're not having to redo and rethink and reset all the time to figure out where where was I on that project, where was I with that conversation. You finish the conversation, you finish that meeting, and and then you move on to the next thing. Um, but that's hard for people to understand that that's important. Um it's essential to being successful and and and to use your time wisely. And when we look at the the greatest equalizers, uh it's not money, uh, it's time. Uh and even knowledge isn't a uh a commodity anymore because we all have access to artificial intelligence, we have access to the internet. So knowledge is available to everyone who has access. Um the people skills are not. You have to practice them.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

It's nice when I talk to people about leadership because they kind of will come and start converging on the same topics, one of which you hit on. Yes, you know, servant leadership, presence, you know, getting to know your people, caring about your people. Like all of those factors of leadership seem to be things that I hear repeated from a lot of people who are smart and have had a lot of experience.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

And one of them that one of them that oftentimes falls off that I think is extremely important is mentorship.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Um, because we can be the best leaders in the world, but if we don't train the next generation, what have we really done? We really haven't done a whole lot. Uh so if we want to build a legacy, if we want to create uh something that has a lasting impact on the world, we have to spend the time and invest in the next generation. We have to have the skills and the patience to help them fail and succeed and pick them up again and help them and and help them grow and to be the fine uh leaders of tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Okay, one last question then. Tell me about how a funeral guy gets into the cookie business.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Well, that started out of my consulting company when I was working with funeral homes.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

And one of the things that's very important for any business is to say thank you to your customers.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

And we all do that very poorly. Yes. And it doesn't matter which industry I'm looking at, uh none of them, none of them know how to say thank you to their customers. And so when I was talking to them, I said, it's simple. All you have to do is bake a dozen cookies and send them off to them. Well, I don't have time to do that. I said, Well, let me do it for you. And that's literally how my cookie company started. I started sending a dozen cookies to this funeral home's customers. They would tell me who they had uh served the previous week. We'd send a dozen cookies off to them. And that connection, that connection of food in establishing a relationship with somebody is unlike any other connection you make. And I've worked with realtors, I've worked with uh heating and cooling companies, I've worked with mortgage companies, and they all tell me the same thing. We we've done a hundred other different things uh in terms of trying to say thank you. We've sent carts, we've sent flowers, we've sent you never you name it. They've sent it out, they've sent coffee mugs. But when they started sending cookies, their customers, instead of just accepting it, started thanking them for the thank you gift and started referring people saying, You want to call these people because uh a month afterwards they didn't forget us, they sent us cookies. Now that's a small thing, but it's a huge impact because the the connection for the funeral home or for the business didn't end when the bill was paid. It continues, and that just remembering somebody with something like cookies um is huge. Uh it arrives at the door, they weren't expecting it. And in particular in the funeral industry where it's been a sad event usually, it brings a smile. And if you can bring a smile to somebody, and that's one of the things I always tell my drivers, I said, we del we deliver smiles every day. Uh, and it's wonderful after a year of of uh after years of of working in in funeral homes where it's sad. Uh there's nothing better than delivering a smile.